Falling In Love at a Coffee Shop
by just keep breathing
Summary: She would never admit it, but she knows the blonde's order already. She would never tell you that the reason she comes into this Starbucks everyday at 11:45 AM is to sit and watch the blonde. AU. Feedback is great!
1. Chapter 1

**I'm baack! This idea popped into my head the other night. I'm not too sure how long I'm going to draw this out, or if I'm going to leave it as a one-shot so feedback would be really helpful in making a decision. Thanks :]**

She walked up to the counter still unsure of what to order. She's indecisive, which she believes is her fatal flaw. The pimple faced boy behind the counter impatiently watches her create her order. She internally giggles because there is no reason for this boy to be impatient, it's not like he has a hot date tonight. She finally decides on a simple strawberry frap, pays, and walks to a table to sit down and enjoy the view.

To you or me the view is nothing short of shitty. From the table she can see a busy intersection with rushing cars. Across the street she notices a McDonalds, and across the sidewalk scurries many, she supposes to be late, New Yorkers. However bland this view may appear to the outside person, to her it is magnificent. She enjoys watching the fatasses walk out of the fast food super giant with more food than they can carry. She winces as she sees the model type girls mentally argue if they really want that Big Mac, and then walk over here to join Ashley in this dismal little Starbucks.

She's seen three car crashes from this seat in two years. She supposes she's missed many, considering the drivers in New York are horrible and always in a rush. This is why she doesn't own a car, she prefers to walk. She's never really seen the rush, even in this sleepless city. She's seen the bank next to the McDonalds' robbed once, though she would deny ever taking witness to that crime. She's seen countless women's purses stolen, mostly by the same homeless man she knows as Jeff. She knows that he steals them, just to put what little money he has back into them, and return them.

As the clock hits 12:10 PM in walks a blonde girl, and Ashley turns her head to watch her order.

She would never admit it, but she knows the blonde's order already. She would never tell you that the reason she comes into this Starbucks everyday at 11:45 AM is to sit and watch the street, then sit and watch the blonde. She'll never tell you that every day she battles this inner battle with herself whether or not to speak to the blonde.

She doesn't even know the blondes name, but she'd be surprised to know that the blonde knows hers. She has no idea that the reason the blonde enters the small cafe every day at 12:10 PM is because she knows the small brunette will be sitting in the corner sipping on her strawberry frap, and watching intently out the window.

Everyday Ashley's heart races as the unknown blonde takes a seat across from her. Her usual routine is to take out a green laptop, and type away until the clock hits 1:19 PM, than she'll pack her things after an hour and ten minutes of typing away on that little machine, and sipping intently at her French vanilla frap. She'll slip her laptop back into her messenger bag, throw away her empty cup, and leave promptly as the clock strikes 1:20 PM.

Today however deems to be different. The blonde takes her usual seat across from the brunette, but today she comes without a laptop. Her order has been changed to merely a hot chocolate, and the blondes cheeks are stained with tears. The blonde is without makeup, which isn't a bad thing, because it's not as if she wears much anyway; she doesn't need it. But nonetheless it's an observation that the brunette makes.

The brunette, Ashley, ponders on whether or not to console this poor girl. A poor girl in whom she knows almost nothing about, but at the same time knows almost everything. She knows when the blonde is intently concentrating she bites her lip lightly. She knows when the blonde is nervous she will tap her fingers, or her leg with shake. The brunette knows all these things, but doesn't even know the blondes name.

Ashley taps her fingers against the table for what seems like hours, but is only a few second, before she opens her mouth to speak.

"Are you... today is different, huh?"

The blonde looks startled by the small girls' big raspy voice. For a moment she's entranced and wishes the girl will continue to speak, because her voice is so soothing.

The blonde just nods her head a slight yes to answer the question.

"I'm uh; I'm Ashley by the way."

The blonde has to stop herself from answering with an 'I know', because she knows how odd that would be for the girl to find out how much she's been watching her. If only the blonde knew how much Ashley has watched her too.

"I'm Spencer."

They shake hands for a short time, and anyone can sense the awkwardness of the conversation. Ashley's face reads confused. You can tell that she's not good at this, that she's not good with conversations; with words. But Spencer on the other hand is cool and collected. Ashley can infer from her constant typing that Spencer is good with words, that they're possibly all she knows.

"You don't have your laptop today."

Spencer nods.

"No, I guess I don't."

Ashley searches her head for something else to say. This conversation that she has avoided for the past two years is a lot harder than she ever expected it to be.

She has sat up late nights to think 'what if' she talked to the blonde. She thought up different scenarios in her brain. Sometimes she would think that one day she'd drop her napkin, and the blonde would pick it up for her, and they'd giggle together than flow into an easy conversation. Other times she thinks that one day Spencer will asked the brunette's opinion on whatever it is she so intently types everyday on that little green Dell.

Ashley will never admit, but she has spent mornings in her bathroom practicing saying her name for that first inevitable conversation. Though even with all the practice, the word never, ever, comes out at she wishes it would.

"Are you, you don't have to answer, but are you okay?"

Spencer goes to reply but is cut off by Ashley.

"Though I completely understand that 'okay' is just a relative term, and it's meaning to you or I could be completely different."

Ashley stops, and mentally slaps herself from producing this horrible word vomit. She's always been the type of person in a stressful situation to babble a tad bit uncontrollably.

"I'm sorry, I'm babbling." She admits.

The blonde giggles a bit before opening her mouth to finally reply.

"It's all good; your babbling is kind of cute."

The brunette blushes and again turns her head to look out the window. She's never been very good at taking compliments, no matter how small and meaningless. She means to mutter a small 'thank you' but she's not sure if it comes out of her mouth.

"I'm going to be okay. Just stupid relationship drama, you know?"

Ashley nods her head in understanding. Of all people, she understands the inner workings of every horrible relationship imaginable, but she would never tell Spencer that.

"I know how that goes. Boyfriends are jerks."

Spencer giggles a bit before shyly looking out the window before speaking.

"Yeah, so are girlfriends, or well, ex-girlfriends."

Ashley sits there shocked for a few minutes. This is a scenario that has never played out in the brunettes head. This is a shocking revelation for her. Though she likes girls herself, she never imagined that the blonde sitting across for her did as well. She always thought she had a very good gaydar, but apparently, it's not as good as she imagined.

"My last girlfriend cheated on me." Ashley confesses.

Though, that's not exactly what happened. Ashley might be leaving out the intense fights and jealousy. She might be forgetting to tell Spencer that they were never technically dating. But those are just details that can be left out for the time being.

Spencer shifts in her chair a little bit.

"Sucks, doesn't it?"

Ashley just nods, still unsure of where to take this conversation. But she finds is necessary to change the subject now. She has no right to push this stranger into telling her all about her personal life. Though they see each other every day, Ashley feels no need to press Spencer on a subject that clearly is hurting her. Maybe, she thinks, that this could be a conversation left for another day. Because they've finally broken the pact of silence it's inevitable that conversation will come easy from now on, right?

"I'm kind of curious about something." Ashley poses.

Spencer looks at her a bit confused, and through her facial expression Ashley knows to continue on and ask the question.

"Your laptop, like, what are you always working on?"

Ashley mentally slaps herself again thinking that the question asked is a bit too personal, that it's a bit too much for a first conversation with a girl she barely knows.

"I'm a writer, journalist really. I come in here to type up my assignments. It's peaceful, and I enjoy the view." Spencer looks out the window while answering the question.

Ashley can't help but be confused. The blonde rarely looks up from her computer most days, and Ashley cannot recall a time where Spencer looked anywhere but the computer, or at Ashley. Wait, could it be Ashley she enjoys looking at? No. That's silly.

Spencer glances down at her watch, which reminds Ashley to check her phone for any messages. The clock reads 1:19PM.

Spencer stands up and grabs her hot chocolate, which she's barely even sipped, and walks to Ashley's side of the table.

"I have to go, but, thank you. For the talk, I needed it."

Ashley awkwardly stands up and pulls Spencer into a hug. Both girls are surprised by the contact.

"You look great, even when you're broken." Ashley whispers.

Spencer blushes as she turns to walk out of the Starbucks. Ashley has her phone out again, and notices that as soon as Spencer walks out of the door, the time changes to 1:20 PM, and the blonde is gone.

**Continue? One-shot? Ahh, feedback please!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you guys for all the support on this! It's a lot different from what I usually write, but I'm really excited to see where I can take this. I have a few ideas, but things are subject to change. Anyway, on with the story :]**

After watching the blonde leave with uncanny punctuality, Ashley decides finally to make her way to work. She leaves the small coffee shop and walks a few blocks down the streets that she was just so intently studying. She can't help but wonder if there are other people who study these streets so much as she does.

Ashley is smarter than the average twenty-one year old, though the girl is still a teenager at heart and rarely shows it. She graduated school a year early, but not because she was smarter than the other kids. In reality, she hated high school. Yeah, it could be said that she ran the school, but it something she didn't really enjoy. She was the rebel, the girl everyone knew not to cross. Though inside, she knew she was just a shy girl whose biggest fear was rejection.

Playing this role of a rebel meant friends, and a certain level of respect. Though, being feared and looked at as a bad kid can only big so many positives along with its heaping bag of negatives.

Little known to her class mates is that Ashley was always top 10 in the class. Even when she was caught skipping, and spending afternoons in detention, Ashley was working hard to maintain her grades. When she decided that high school was no longer something she wanted to deal with, she dropped out, or so it seemed. Actually, Ashley got her GED right before senior yeah. Everyone assumed when she didn't come back that year, that she just dropped out.

She knew she was smart, but it's never been something she's taken grasp of. Her dream as always been to pursue her music, and in her mind college wasn't really something she needed to go after this dream.

It's about a three block walk from the Starbucks to the little record shop where she works. She enjoys the walk and taking in all the things she sees alone the way. She always makes a point to give change to each of the homeless she passes, and she always says good morning to the men at the newspaper stands.

She walks into the small music store, and takes her place behind the desk. Her boss left her a note saying that he was out. This isn't new; he's rarely in the small shop anyway.

She uses this time to walk around and go through some of albums they have just recently stocked. She finds a Death Cab For Cutie album at random that she has yet to add to her collection, and goes back to the desk to listen to it. This is usually how she spends her working hours. Finding albums at random, and listening to them. There have been a few times that she grabbed complete garbage, but she still forces herself to listen to the whole album. She gives every song a chance, because she knows how one song can change a life.

While listening to Transatlanicism Ashley gets so into it that she doesn't notice a customer walk in and being browsing the shelves. She doesn't hear as the woman asks her for advice on what to buy, and she defiantly doesn't realize that the woman is a certain blonde, with the name of Spencer. She doesn't notice any of the things until the blonde taps Ashley on the shoulder, scaring the living hell out of her.

"Holy shit, you scared me"

Spencer giggles, well no, she laughs; uncontrollably.

"Oh, really? I didn't notice."

She just continues to laugh as Ashley is still recovering from the shock. Not the shock of being scared. But the shock of Spencer, from Starbucks, being in her record shop. Spencer, being right in front of her.

Ashley notices that Spencer has now put makeup on and carries her laptop at her side. This must mean the blonde is feeling better. Or at least is making it appear as if nothing is wrong with her. That's the kind of thing Ashley would do anyway.

"How long were you…"

Ashley blushes a little. She's not usually this shy with people.

"Just for a few minutes, if you were dancing around and singing, I missed it so don't worry."

Ashley just rolls her eyes. She wonders for a second if Spencer has been here before, but she's hesitates on asking.

"I was going to ask what kind of music is good concentrating music. You know, before I scared the pants off you."

Ashley bites her tongue. She wants so badly to smart off with some witty comment. She knows not to though.

"Uh, well. I usually like to listen to classical music while I read and whatnot."

Spencer looks a little surprised.

"You listen to classical music?"

Ashley scoffs. Why wouldn't she?

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just…"

Ashley raises a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at the girl.

"Oh come on, look at you. You have the rockish, 'I'm a bad girl' style. Your look doesn't exactly scream 'Ello champ, want to come sit by the fire and enjoy a cup o tee while we listen to Mozart and read some literature from the Romanticism era."

This comment sends Ashley into a fit of giggles herself.

"Well than I guess there is just a lot you don't know about me Blondie."

This time Spencer rolls her eyes as Ashley comes from behind the counter and beings to browse the racks of albums. It doesn't take long to realize how picky the other girl is about her music. Ashley is at a loss for what to suggest to Spencer, but at the same time feels as if she HAS to find something. She is the music buff after all.

Ashley then remembers the album that is still playing on her laptop. She walks over to grab it, and Spencer follows.

"Death Cab For Cutie, the album is Transatlanicism. I'm not sure if you've heard it, it's not exactly a new one. But, it's really great. Ben Gibbard's voice really saves lives. Most of the songs aren't packed with a bunch of lyrics so there are a lot of instrumental breaks, which I suppose might be good for writing."

Spencer just stands there amazed at how concentrated the brunette got while describing the album. She knows nearly nothing when it comes to music, but decided that it might help her out with this writers block.

Spencer Carlin isn't the typical twenty year old girl. She moved to the hustle and bustle of New York City from a small town in Ohio. She was always the good girl back home; everyone expected great things from her. Of course, coming out as a lesbian in a small town doesn't exactly scream acceptance. It's actually the opposite. The folks in town couldn't get her to leave any quicker. So she did.

Somehow, it leads her to New York to some big fancy journalism internship, which she quickly fell in love with. Writing as always been her outlet. Her reason to breathe if you will. She's always been the type to keep to herself, and just write away in her notebook. Coming her meant letting that out a bit, it meant showing the world that she had something to say, and she was going to say it even if it's not something they want to hear. She likes it that way. She enjoys being a little bit feisty.

"I'll take it then, thanks."

Ashley quickly removes the CD from her laptop, returns it to the case, and hands it to Spencer. For a second the blonde is confused as to why she'd be handing her the copy straight from her laptop. But she takes it, and beings to take out her wallet.

"Nope, it's on me. If it gets you writing again, it's worth it to come out of my paycheck."

Ashley smiles her nose crinkling to die for smile, and Spencer decides it's not worth arguing about and she takes the CD.

"You're something else Ash."

The brunette momentarily loses the ability to breathe with the sound of her nickname sliding from the lips of this bombshell blonde in front of her. She quickly composes herself and nods a cocky, 'I know', and the blonde laughs a bit.

"Well, you know, I totally owe you a coffee tomorrow then."

This gives Ashley hope. Hope for what, she's not exactly sure. What she is sure of is that she'll be waking up early to do her hair. She's completely sure that she'll probably stand in her mirror practicing saying hello.

"You sure do blondie."

With this remark, Spencer turns around to leave the little store. Ashley can't help but follow the retreating form of the girl out with her eyes. She can't help to notice that the blonde has a slight jump in her step, and a small sway in her hips. And she can't help but see the blonde girl hesitate before leaving sight of the store just to turn around to find the brunette, and smile.

She rolls her eyes, before tending back to find a new Death Cab album to listen to. She thinks that they may be becoming her new favorite band.


	3. Chapter 3

Today has already started off to be a challenge for our poor Ashley. Not only is the girl stressing over coffee with a certain girl named Spencer, but today had just been one of those days...

You know the days, Ashley sure does. It's the kind of day that as soon as she woke up in the morning, she knew that today was not going to go by easily or quickly. After being awake for nearly twenty minutes she had already fallen down the stairs after leaving her bathroom, had her coffee maker explode in her face, and had successfully dropped all her vitamins all over the floor. It was one of those days.

She wasn't exactly sure why she began making coffee in the first place. She spends most of her morning sitting alone at Starbucks anyway, and not to be mistaken, but they sell coffee, and a lot of it, right?

She had a lot on her mind all night, and now morning. She was nervous. And being nervous is not something Ashley Davies, bad ass mother fucker, feels very often. She's confused because she's never been herself, shy and reserved, around anyone before. Not until Spencer anyway.

Ashley Davies knows that she could get anyone she wants with the snap of a finger and the flash of her million dollar smile. She knows that people would kill to have her on their arm. She knows that. Everyone knows that. She's fucking gorgeous.

But this Spencer, Spencer Carlin, she's different. Ashley looks at her and sees a beautiful girl, but not just because her blonde hair and striking eyes. She sees the unspoken beauty in the girl. The kind of beauty that you don't actually see, and sometimes aren't even sure if it exists. But Ashley knows it's there. It's the kind of beauty that transfixes people. It's the invisible rope that is tugging and pulling at Ashley's heart. It's the lines you have to cross to make it to the finish line. This beauty, this pull, scares the living shit out of Ashley.

This leads her back to this horrible morning. She's giddy. She's nervous. She's falling into something that for once in her life, she can't control.

She could control all those one night stands. She had her rules with her temporary girlfriends. Six weeks, and it was over. That way, there was no attachment, just a lot of meaningless sex. But this gravitational pull that she has only studied in physics was slowly and surely making her grow closer and closer to this girl.

Ashley makes her way to her computer. She has a habit of planning her whole day according to whatever her horoscope says. She's in no way superstitious though; she just knows that whatever this little story about how her day is going to go always has the possibility to come true, no matter how out of this world it might be. She knows if she completely disregards it and laughs about it, it WILL come true. Okay, so maybe she is a little superstitious.

Her horoscope reads: ''though you're pretty sure of yourself, you still need to check your impulse to go with your gut. If all the facts add up, all your trusted advisers say yes and your instincts are fired up, then you can go ahead.''

Truth be told, Ashley rarely understands what these silly things even mean. She is sure of one thing right now, today she won't be working off of pure impulse without consulting her trusted adviser. Who is that? She's not exactly sure either. Her best friend Aiden maybe, or could it be her boss? To play it safe, she figures if she has an impulse to do something, she'll be talking to someone before doing it.

Ashley turns off her computers and checks we watch to see that it's 11:30 AM and puts on her shoes to leave the house to make sure she reaches the coffee shop by 11:45 AM. If the blonde could be exceptionally punctual, so could she.

It's the middle of June, so the weather in the city is nice. It's not a warm day, but it's not cold either. She figures this is one of those days that musicians like to write about. Because right now it's sunny with the high of 75 and there isn't a cloud in the sky. She thinks that it would be lovely if her life would go along with the song and her heavy heart would be made light. Because she figures that she would enjoy her life more if she was happy to be alive.

She passes the McDonalds, and crosses the street at the intersection before walking into the small coffee shop. Upon walking in she realizes that a there is a blonde girl sitting in her usual spot by the window. This odd blonde girl has two cups full of what is probably coffee in front of her.

"So I see you've decided to switch it up a bit today."

Spencer is startled by the sudden sound of Ashley's slight rasp.

"A change is always good."

She picks up one of the cups in front of her and hands it to the brunette.

"I know you usually drink that ridiculous frozen coffee, but just try this."

Ashley takes the cup and sits down in what normally is Spencer's seat. She takes a sip of the coffee and it burns her mouth a little, but not enough to make a scene. She's not used to hot coffee, she prefers it cold, but this is a nice change she decides.

"French vanilla, right?"

Spencer nods, and takes a sip from her own cup.

"I really like that CD by the way. It's not normally the kind of thing I would listen to, but I really enjoyed it."

Ashley smiles knowing she made a good choice.

"I'm glad you liked it then."

Spencer seems to be transfixed out the window. Ashley figures she's watching purses be stolen, of fatasses attempt to carry out a wheelbarrow full of food. Either way, she quickly notices that when she looks out the window from this new perspective she can easily see the reflection of Spencer's content smile, and focused eyes. Could it be possible that this is the reason the blonde sometimes stares into the window? Could it be that when it appeared she was looking at the streets, she was really looking at the brunette who so secretly was watching her?

"You know, if this glass was magnified I'd bet all those people would look like ants. Even if we aren't high up."

Ashley makes a confused face, and just stares at the blonde. She's not sure where that observation same from, but she figures it would add a whole new element to the view.

"Yeah, and to them we look like giants."

Ashley mentally high-fives herself from somehow twisting the lyrics from one of the songs on the CD she gave Spencer.

Spencer smiles a smile. Not a typical smile. But the kind that isn't forced, it's the kind of smile that comes out when you're trying so hard not to let it come out, but somehow, the battle is always lost, and you smile anyway. Ashley kind of likes it.

"You want to know a secret?"

Spencer asks. Ashley is startled for a moment.

"I've never been too good with secrets."

Spencer laughs again, knowing what Ashley was doing.

"Suit yourself then."

Ashley just laughs. Another mental high-five is needed.

"You don't have your laptop again."

Spencer looks away from the window to look at Ashley.

She notices that there is a difference between looking and seeing. Sure she had looked at Ashley so many times before, but had she really seen her? Because this time when she looks at the girl she can see her. She can tell she's tired. She can tell she's a little broken. She's not just looking this time, she's seeing.

"Death Cab was enough inspiration that I couldn't stop writing last night until I finished."

Ashley smiles again. She seems to be doing a lot of that.

"What where you writing."

Spencer looks away out the window again. She wonders what she can see, not just look at.

"Oh just a silly column for work."

Ashley can tell that she doesn't want to really talk about it, but being who she is, she decides to press the subject a little bit more.

"I figured that much. What about though?"

Spencer is silent for a few seconds while she takes small sips at her hot coffee.

"It was mainly about new perspectives. It just got me thinking."

The change of seating and the magnifying window comments make so much more sense now.

"Which would explain why I switched our seats today, and bought you hot coffee instead of cold. I'm just trying new things out."

Ashley nods.

"I need to try new things out too."

She wonders if the blonde can find the meaning behind those words. Opens her phone to check the time and realizes that it's 1:18 right now. She sees the blonde start to gather up her things and throw away her now empty cup. She decides to stand up now as well mostly out of nervousness.

"Thanks for the coffee Spence."

She sees the blonde's eyes light up at the sound of her nickname.

"And thank you for the new perspectives."

Ashley goes over to where Spencer is standing and hugs her. Before releasing from the embrace Spencer giggles.

"You smell like coffee."

Her words come out quietly and her breath in steady puffs is felt by the brunette. As Spencer pulls away Ashley has the sudden impulse to kiss the blonde. But she remembers one thing; her horoscope.

"Yeah, I kind of had a fight with my coffee maker earlier."

Still close to the brunette, the blonde giggles again, waves, and leaves the small shop. Ashley is now mentally slapping herself for reading that damned horoscope. As she checks her phone to see that it's now exactly 1:20 PM she sighs, knowing exactly what Spencer would have tasted like. French Vanilla.


	4. Chapter 4

**Happy holidays everyone. I hope you're all having a great time. Any new year's resolutions in the making? I know I have a few.**

She hates this time of year with a passion. All the lights and glitter. Fake snow and icky smells. She just cannot stand it. She huffs and puffs at those silly little red hats with the fur. She inwardly shivers at the sight of that big fat man with the beard. She cannot stand Christmas. You might be confused, as it is only entering the early stages of July. But yeah, it's Christmas, in July.

Ashley finds this time of the year even more ridiculous than the true holiday season. Why should it be Christmas if it really isn't Christmas? She's really happy that this midsummer celebration is only celebrated in the small confides of her apartment building. At least she can get away from it for most of the day.

As she leaves her building one of her neighbors, nameless to the brunette, hands her a Santa hat. She smiles, being polite and thanks the strange man. She puts it on to humor him. She makes her way to the little coffee shop like she does every day, and sees that her favorite blonde has beat her there. This time she is in her normal everyday seat. She drinks her own coffee, and is typing away on her laptop. Ashley smiles. Things seem exactly how they usually do. It's encouraging. It's comforting.

Ashley approaches the counter to buy her normal frap, some things are just not meant to change. Hot coffee is not for Ashley. The kid at the counter doesn't even have to ask her order, he hands her the drink, and she hands him the money. Exact change.

She takes her seat across from the blonde, and she can tell instantly that the cup of coffee in the other girls' hands wasn't her first.

"Oh hey Ash! How're you today? I'm doing good, had a bit too much coffee, if you can't tell."

Spencer quickly spits out all these words and returns to type furiously at her computer. Ashley can't help but laugh and just watch the girl. She shaky hands can barely find keys. It's an amusing sight.

"I'm good Spence, I'm good."

Ashley can't seem to quiet her giggles, but the blonde doesn't seem to notice. What she does notice however the small hat placed on top of her friends head. She stops typing, and giggle while playing with her fingers. She's jittery.

"You seem really festive today."

Ashley looks herself over real quick to notice nothing out of the ordinary with her clothes. A simple Rolling Stones band tee and some skinny jeans. She goes to scratch her head, and realizes she's been walking around the city with a silly stupid Santa hat on. She takes it off, and just looks at the blonde.

"Yeah... uh, it's Christmas at my apartment building."

Spencer still continues to giggle. Ashley has never noticed how cute a giggle could be until now.

"It's only July, that's pretty silly."

Ashley nods and takes a drink. She looks out the window to see her favorite fat man walking out of McDonalds. She inwardly smiles wondering how many calories are in those two bags he is carrying. Gosh, is she mean, or what?

"So little Ashley, what are you asking Santa for Christmas this July?"

Ashley rolls her eyes. This could not me any more ridiculous than it already is. She shrugs.

"A new coffee maker would be nice."

Spencer just raises an eyebrow.

"I would figure that you get enough coffee, you know, considering you spend a lot of time here."

Ashley shrugs again.

"I'm kind of addicted to caffiene. But ya know, I'm not the one shaking here."

Spencer takes a moment to remember how much coffee she has consumed in the past twenty-four hours. She guesses it's been about eight cups, maybe nine.

"Hey, I've got a deadline, don't hate."

They both smile.

"Well please do type away Miss Journalist."

It's Spencer's turn for an eye roll.

"Well I would if SOMEONE here wouldn't have ruined my flow."

Ashley makes a shocked face and points to herself while looking around dumbly.

"Oh no, not me?!?!"

"Oh yes you. You and that silly hat. It ruined it. I'm ruined."

They both laugh and then settle into a comfortable silence.

"When is your deadline?"

Spencer looks out the window for a second before answering.

"Six in the morning tomorrow. I know it seems like a long time, but I usually have at least a week to finish an assignment."

Ashley nods.

"Hence the jittery hands?"

Spencer smiles, and answers with a yes.

Ashley feels very calm with the light tapping sounds of the keyboard and the soothing music playing around her. It's one of those moments that remind her of a movie. It's an insignificant scene to anyone watching, but to someone on the inside it's one of those defining moments. Because right now Ashley is making the choice to try anything she can to become more than just a random girl to Spencer. Though, not even Ashley notices this right now. But it's happening; it's all in the works.

Ashley notices that Spencer begins to pack her things, and she cannot help but wonder how the time went by so quickly today. She takes a glance at her phone to see that it's only 1:05 PM which is a little bit early for the blonde to be leaving.

"I'm going for a walk, for inspiration hopefully, care to join?"

Ashley considers it for a second, knowing that she shouldn't because she has to work, but of course she wants to. She gets up, throws away her empty cup, and joins the blonde as she walks out of the door. She can be a little bit late today, it's not like she's going to be fired.

"So, where are we walking to?"

Ashley asks, and the blonde just shrugs. It's kind of obvious that she has a lot on her mind, but Ashley contributes that to the deadline on the other girls mind.

"You ever get scared?"

It's a random question.

"Well, yeah. Who doesn't?"

The brunette answers.

"I don't know what I'm trying to explain really, so bare with me."

Ashley doesn't answer; she just lets the blonde continue on her thought.

"It's just so weird how we can fear things that we know nothing about. Like, we think what if about things all the time, to the point where it scares us. But since we're thinking what if, we don't know what is, so how can we be scared?"

Ashley doesn't really understand, so she remains quiet. But when she's about to ask Spencer to elaborate a little bit, she gets the answer to her questions in the form of a hand intertwining with her own.

That was more than enough. That's exactly what they both needed.

They didn't talk for the rest of the walk, but they didn't need words.

Somehow they ended up outside the small record shop that Ashley works at. Before going inside, Ashley hugged Spencer.

"You don't need to be scared anymore."

With that simple sentence Spencer smiled, turned, and continued walking.

The rest of the day it is noticeable to anyone that there is a slight bounce in the brunettes step, and a small smile creeping to her lips. If you were to ask her the events of her day all she'd be able to do is shyly smile, giggle a bit, and answer with a childish 'Uhm, I don't know'. Though of course, she does know.

Ash makes her way back to her apartment and throws on the red hat again feeling a bit more cheery than she had that morning. As she gets to her door she notices a nicely gift wrapped present topped off with a bow. She feels stupid because she must have been too oblivious to remember a gift exchange within the building.

She takes the package, which is by no means small, into her apartment and unwraps it. As she does a small card falls out. Before her eyes is a new state of the art coffee maker, that is voice activated. How nifty? She sees the small card and opens it. It reads:

"_Thought you could use this seeing as yours has been giving you some trouble. Xoxo, Santa."_

Ashley smiles a knowing smile, pops in some music, and decides it's time for a cup of coffee, preferably French vanilla.


	5. Chapter 5

**Whoa, it's been a long time since I've updated this. I apologize.**

She's grinning. It's a big grin too. One that stays on a face right after a person has a really good laugh. It's a genuine grin. It's not just a grin, oh no, it's a smile, and Ashley Davies does not to that enough. The blonde that sits across from her is enjoying this moment, maybe a bit too much. She's just soaking in everything that is the tiny rocker sitting at her table. She's basking in the glory of knowing that the smile on the other girls face, that grin, was caused by her joke. It wasn't even a good joke, but Ashley seems to like it, a lot.

"That. Might. Be. The. Stupidest. Thing. I've. Ever. Heard," the brunette says between giggles.

Spencer just rolls her eyes while mentally making a video of this moment in her mind. She wants to remember this. Even though there is no significance to this moment, she wants to remember it. She wants to remember it all. Every smile. Every laugh. She just wants a playback of a moment in her life where she truly felt content. And this was one of those moments.

"Oh hey look, I'll be you!"

Spencer rolls her eyes again.

"Ashley, did you know that there is butter in I Can't Believe It's Not Butter? I guess we can't believe it's not butter... anymore," Ashley mimics the blonde, very poorly because she is still fighting off the urge to burst into laughter.

"Ash, it wasn't that funny..."

Ashley makes words that jumble together, but the blonde figures that she said that it is too funny. Spencer rolls her eyes, again. This is becoming routine.

After just a few minutes more of insane, belly aching, laughter Ashley calms herself and gets serious.

"So, Spence, on our walk yesterday you uh..."

Spencer just cocks up an eyebrow, and looks confused.

"I what?"

Ashley looks out the window to see a couple walking by holding hands. They look happy. They look like they're in love. They don't look scared to just be.

"Well, you said you were scared. What were you scared of?"

The blonde visibly stiffens at the question. Ashley can tell that she might be pushing this new friendship, relationship, this thing a little too far. But she wants to get into the blondes head. She wants to know the inner workings of her mind, and even if the blonde doesn't want it to happen, Ashley is going to keep trying. Because she is interested in the blonde, and not just in her looks and smile, but in her mind and soul.

"I don't really know. I guess, it's silly, but I'm scared of. Well."

The blonde keeps pausing, and shifting in her seat. She's nervous.

"I guess, I'm scared of you."

Ashley lets out a laugh, and then mentally slaps herself for possibly coming off as rude.

"Of me? I could be the least scary person ever, assuming you've talked to me after I've had my caffeine fix."

The blonde smiles at Ashley's attempt to lighten the serious mood that has been set.

"I'm not scared of you. I mean, I am, but not like 'AH A MONSTER' kind of scared. It's more like a 'holy shit, this girl could steal my heart' kind of scared. If that makes any sense at all."

The blonde shyly slumps in her seat at the confession that just spilled from her mouth. The brunette however holds a new kind of grin on her face. This one is slyer, mysterious, and Spencer can't quite put her finger on what it means.

"You know, I could be a monster."

Spencer laughs.

"Well, if you were one, you'd be a pretty darn cute. You know, for a monster and all."

Ashley just rolled her eyes. She liked this. She liked knowing that she scares the blonde. Not because she likes intimidating people, because it lets her know that she and the blonde have something. What that something is, they both have no idea. But whatever it is, it's right there. It's in the cute conversations. Hell, it's probably always been there. It's been in the shy glances while the blonde types away on her assignments. It's been in all the shy smiles hidden behind foam coffee cups. Whatever this thing is between these girls, it's always been there. It's always been right here in this little coffee shop.

"In that case, I am a monster and I suggest that you fear me."

Again, Spencer rolls those baby blues.

She likes this a lot. She likes being able to complete bare her soul to Ashley, and know that she won't be judged. She likes being able to be completely terrified of the girl, but at the same time being able to know that whatever happens Ashley is going to make it okay. The serious conversations turn into knowing smiles and cute jokes. The nervous laughs turn into outgoing uncontrollable giggles. She definitely likes this.

"You know Carlin, its 1:26 and you haven't left yet."

Spencer glances over at the clock that is to the right of her.

"Hmm, I guess I haven't. You're pretty observant."

This time Ashley gets to roll her eyes.

"Shut up. Usually you have left by now."

Spencer smiles and nods. She usually does, she usually has to run to the office. But not today. She has a very rare day off.

"If you'd like to know, I have a day off today. I'm in no rush."

Ashley nods, and looks out the window again. This time she sees a small teenage looking girl sitting outside the McDonalds with a guitar. The girl is just strumming and singing without a care to if anyone on the sidewalk is listening to her. She looks internally happy. It's like the music and the lyrics are her heart beat and her breath. The intricate strumming keeps her heart beating, and the words keep her lungs breathing.

The girl stops playing however, stands up, and walks away. Just as easily as she sat down and began playing, she's left. She still looks happy though. She must have somewhere to be, she must have some living to do today Ashley thinks.

"Spence?"

Spencer lifts her head from her old position of staring into her almost empty cup of coffee.

"Yeah Ash?"

Ashley smiles. She really likes the shortened version of her name rolling off the lips of the blonde that has captivated her heart for so long.

"You wanna go out and live life with me for a while today?"

Spencer looks so confused, but Ashley thinks it is possibly the cutest thing she has ever seen in her life.

"Hmm, well, you are a monster, and I suppose that leaving here without you would mean you'd be obligated to scare me at some point, so I should leave with you. That way, I won't be alone, and if I'm not alone there can't be a possible way of you sneaking up and scaring me. So sure, I'll come live life with you. But just for today. Tomorrow, living will have to stop."

Ashley rolls her eyes, a trait Spencer knows well lately.

Ashley stands up and takes both hers and the blondes' empty cup and walks over to throw it away. While the blonde is turned around watching the outside world live through the window, Ashley sneaks up behind her, and lets out a loud "BOO" right before grabbing the blonde from behind.

"ASHLEY, WHAT WAS THAT FOR, YOU SCARED ME."

Ashley, who is again in a fit of uncontrollable, belly aching, giggles, looks the blonde dead in the eye and says:

"I'm a monster Blondie, scaring you is my job."

**Review?**


	6. Chapter 6

**I am really sorry for my absence. My state of mind hasn't been very good lately. I'm working on it though. Enjoy!**

"So I'm curious, how exactly are we living life today?"

They've been walking. Just walking. This walking hasn't, up until now, included any chatter. This walking has only included one foot in front of another, in a manner that has no destination. This walking, this stroll if you will, has included stolen glances, and shy smiles. This walking, this living of life, has included hands brushing, and cheeks blushing. This walking and living has included nothing, and everything.

"I haven't really decided yet, but I think I want you to meet someone."

The blonde girl stops walking for a moment at this sentence. She isn't sure if she can handle meeting someone Ashley knows. She questions her likeability. She questions her thoughts and her actions that lead up to this moment. Maybe, just maybe, she's not ready for walking and living.

Ashley has just kept walking, leaving the blonde in her thoughts.

"You can keep walking Spence, don't worry, I'm sure they will love you. Actually, they won't have much choice…"

Spencer walks a little faster to catch up to the brunette.

"Oh. Alright. They will like me. Yeah, of course, who wouldn't? Wait! They as in plural?"

Ashley chuckles at the apparent nervousness of the blonde next to her.

As the two girls continue to walk in silence, their hands continue to brush, their cheeks continue to blush. Ashley makes a bold move sensing the blonde's nerves, and grabs her hand.

The blonde, apparently shocked, turns her head and tilts it slightly as Ashley intertwines their fingers.

The brunette, however, doesn't budge her head one bit. She keeps her eyes focused on the sky with the clouds. She keeps her feet moving, one in front of the other.

After a while the two girls, never losing contact with their hands, reach the apartment complex that belongs to Ashley.

"I've got to warn you, it's still a little bit… festive in there. I think everyone is mentally battling about who is going to start cleaning up from Christmas."

Spencer smiles a knowing smile, and just nods.

"Speaking of Christmas, I got a very strange package …"

Spencer follows Ashley up a few flights of stairs after noticing an 'Out Of Order' sign on the elevator. While they are walking, the blonde is trying to think of clever responses regarding the package. She wants to seem oblivious, though, they both know otherwise.

"Oh, a package? What was in it?"

Ashley just rolls her eyes.

"Well, it was a new coffee maker. Which, was from, get this, Santa Claus."

Spencer lets out a sharp giggle. The kind of giggle someone lets out when they hear a blatant, obvious, in your face, kind of lie. She pulls it off very well, considering she is making up her actions as she goes.

As they reach what Spencer assumes to be Ashley's door, she laughs a bit again.

"Santa Claus? Really, you can't still believe in that, can you Ash?"

Ashley lets out a shocked 'oh'.

"Oh, and you don't believe?"

"Ashley, we aren't six… of course I don't. That is just silly."

They walk into Ashley's apartment and Spencer notices that it is very neat. Nothing is too complex. A simple color scheme that includes different shades of tasteful browns fills the living room. Attached to that is a kitchen which is filled with different fruit patterns.

Ashley motions over to her couch, and Spencer follows. They both sit on separate sides. Both girls take note of this action, but try and ignore it for the time being.

"If you don't believe in Santa, who else could have known that, I was in desperate need of a new coffee maker?"

Spencer is on her toes now, trying to line up witty comments in her mind.

"I'm sure the Starbucks employees have caught on to your caffeine addiction by now. Could have been one of them?"

Ashley shakes her head.

"No way. They don't know where I live, and if they do, we have a problem."

"Well, they could have followed you one day. Kind of creepy, but maybe they really wanted to give you that coffee maker."

Ashley sighs. Before she can reply Spencer's eyes light up, and she makes an exclamation that she is very, very, proud of cleverly thinking of.

"Oh my gosh! I've got it! Cappuccino girl totally has a HUGE crush on you! How haven't we seen this before? Didn't she hand you too much change that one day? She wants you."

Ashley doesn't even know how to respond to the ridiculousness which is Spencer.

"Well she is kind of cute. Maybe tomorrow I can slip her my number when I pay."

Spencer frowns. But Ashley laughs. Two can play this silly game.

"Ew she is not cute. You could do better. But on the real, who do you want me to meet?"

Ashley laughs at the sudden change in subject.

"Well, I'm not too sure you're worthy anymore. See, she is a HUGE believer in Santa. I'm not sure you guys will get along."

Spencer's face drops a little bit at the word she.

"Oh, so you have a roommate?"

Ashley smiles.

"Something like that."

The blonde is confused; it shows all over her face. Ashley likes it. She likes making life unpredictable for Spencer.

"I'll go grab her from her room if you promise to at least try and be a believer. Have a little faith, for me?"

Ashley does a pout like a little child would while asking their mother for a cookie before dinner. Luckily for Ashley, she does it very well.

"I can try, I suppose."

Ashley leaves the room, and Spencer uses this time to look around a little bit. Ashley doesn't seem to have much. A few pictures here and there of her and girl who looks a lot like her, and the blonde assumes it to be Ashley's sister. She makes an observation that she doesn't have any pictures with her parents. Which is probably a conversation better left for another day.

"Okay Blondie, close your eyes, we're coming in"

Spencer does what she is told. As life is shielded by her eyelids, she feels a shift in weight on the couch, and decides to peak. What she sees surprises her. Ashley hasn't brought out a person, but a guitar which she is now silently tuning.

It's an old black guitar, which has obviously seen better days. It's chipped, and a little dented. Kind of like Ashley…

"Okay, you can stop peaking and just open your eyes now."

They both smile.

"I got nervous over a guitar?"

Ashley strums a few chords a little shyly.

"Apparently you did Blondie. This is Carla, my baby."

Spencer moves to sit on the couch Indian style to face the musician.

"Well, it is very nice to make your acquaintance Carla."

They laugh a little as Ashley strums a random pattern.

Spencer has always been a little envious of musicians. They make playing look so natural. It looks as if there are no difficulties in the movements. It's as if the notes and sounds just flow from their fingers. It's also something she has never been good at. What flows from her fingers are words, not notes. But she supposes that a compromise she can deal with.

"So, are you gonnah play me a song?"

Ashley smiles.

"For you? Nah. Plus I am sure you would rather keep your ears. Singing isn't really my thing."

Spencer rolls her eyes.

"Please?"

She's making her best sad face. If Ashley can make sad faces so can she. Plus, it's something she's perfected over the years, and it works wonders.

"Maybe tomorrow… but I'm not making any promises."

"Okay, I can deal with that. I have to go anyway; I'm supposed to meet my Mom for dinner. Not too excited for it, but being late would be a death wish."

Ashley decides this might be a subject she shouldn't press the blonde on, so she stands up and sets Carla down to walk the blonde to the door.

"Thanks for introducing me to Carla, it was fun. I liked living life with you today."

Ashley smiles that nose crinkling smile that is adorably irresistible. Spencer goes in to hug Ashley, and places a kiss on her cheek before tightly embracing her. She hears Ashley sigh a content sigh, and she smiles.

"Thanks for the coffee maker Santa."

Spencer pulls away from the hug, and just smiles. She turns to walk out, and stops just before she closes the door. Just to smile and say:

"I have no idea what you're talking about…"


	7. Chapter 7

**I know, it's been a while. I promise I am going to work on being more consistent. You learn a little more about Spencer in this one. Reviews are lovely.**

She's been walking. She's been absentmindedly walking, well, only kind of. See, she knows where her feet are going to lead her, but at the same time she is not taking in anything she passes. She isn't watching the people walk by her and smile; she doesn't pay too much attention to those people who are honking from their cars. She is just content with walking.

Knowing that she must meet with her mother, who she hasn't seen in a little over two years, makes her nervous. It makes her heart drop a little, makes her smile fade a little. She doesn't want to see her mother. She doesn't want to sit and have a civil conversation with her. All she really wants to do is sit in Ashley's apartment and giggle with the musician. She wants to avoid the inevitable conversations with her mother. She really wants life, for just a moment, to seem simple. She wants life, for just a moment, to be kind.

However, it's pretty common knowledge that life does not slow, nor is it kind, until we are dead and buried six feet under. That is the only time we get a break of any sort. So our little Spencer here knows she must walk to the small diner on the corner of the block, near the graffiti alley which is the spot for many teen hipsters to bring their expensive cameras and take mediocre pictures. She knows her mother will take the spot away from the window, forcing the blonde to sit with her back to it, because her mother knows how distracted a window can make the girl.

It only takes the blonde a few short moments to make her way to the diner. It only takes her eleven short minuets of standing outside of it to walk in. It only takes her eight small steps to make it to the table that sits the older blonde.

"Spencer dear, what on earth are you wearing? Has the city killed your sense of fashion?"

Paula Carlin as never been one for subtleties if she has something on her mind, be sure that she will say it. She is a harsh women, she never waters down her words. She is the evil stepmother in all the movies except in this movie, she's the real mom, and there isn't a nice kindhearted mom waiting to burst out of her chest.

"Yeah Mom, hello to you too."

Spencer says this dryly. She is no longer her perky cheery self. She seems cold, and a tad bit bitter. She is visibly frustrated, and the tension between the two blondes is growing thick.

The waitress staff behind the counter is arguing about who will take the table. The bus boy and the hostess are making a bet that one of the blondes will get a drink spilled, or a slap across the face, before the end of their visit here. It's obvious to anyone who is anyone that this pair could be deadly, and they don't want to thrust themselves between it if they don't have to.

"So Spencer, how is your little writing job?"

Paula has never been supportive of her daughter. She hasn't approved of anything Spencer has chosen since ninth grade when Spencer tried out for the cheerleading squad.

"It's good. I just finished a piece on perspectives."

Paula nods, obviously not really listening.

"So, uh, how's the rest of the family."

Paula rolls her eyes. All she lets herself believe is that the girl sitting across from her is the person who made all the wrong lifestyle choices that destroyed the mother daughter relationship that they had once held dear. In her eyes, this girl across from her made the selfish decision to walk out on her family to move away when things got a little bit rough. In her eyes, this girl across from her is no longer her daughter, but some girl she happens to know now.

"You would know if you called more often. You would know if you didn't leave."

This angers Spencer. Because this isn't fair, she didn't have much of a choice. But before Spencer can say anything, the waitress who lost in a roaring game of rock paper scissors, comes to their table.

"Hello, I'm Anne; I'll be waiting on you today. Can I start you off with anything?"

Paula just hand her the empty coffee mug in front of her gesturing that she would like more coffee. Spencer however politely says that she won't need anything but water this afternoon.

"She looks like your type. You know, slut."

This sets Spencer off.

"Paula. If you want to be childish, then go be childish back in Ohio where I don't have to hear anything you say. You sit there and assume that I left because I was running away, and maybe in a sense I was running away. But the only thing I ran away from is you. I couldn't stand to have my own mother belittling me in my own house anymore. I apologize for being such a burden to you. But I won't change just to make you like me again."

Spencer is using that voice; you know the one that is intense, loud, and effective, but barely over a whisper as if trying to hide the fact that there is an argument going on in this diner.

Paula looks a little bit shocked. The old Spencer would not dare say anything like this to her. The old Spencer would have just sat there in silence and taken in every word.

"Please do excuse me for not enjoying waking up to find random sluts under the covers with my daughter on multiple occasions. You must be aware that there could have been other ways for you to express to your father and I that you were gay. You have to know that everything that happened is not my fault, and I refuse to take complete blame. Yes, I made mistakes in the way I handled things, and I regret those mistakes every day of my life, because those mistakes made me lose my daughter. However, you made an equal amount of mistakes as well Spencer, mistakes that cost you your family."

Paula, unlike Spencer, did not try to calm her words. She made no attempt to speak in that angry whisper yelling tone. She let it all out. She spit her words like daggers, and for the first time in years, Spencer was just like that little girl again. She just sat there as her mother yelled. She just took in every word.

They sat there in silence for a few moments, and Paula decided to speak.

"There are things you cannot change in your life Spencer, I know that, but there are steps you could have taken to avoid this moment."

Spencer sat and reflected. Of course sneaking girls into her house at 16 wasn't a good idea. Obviously, speaking to her parents about things could have made things easier. Yeah, maybe moving away put strain on the whole situation…

"Mom, you are the one who asked me to leave. You are the one who said this wasn't acceptable, that I wasn't acceptable. You are the driving force of my every move. You are the reason I left. I could have done things differently, but now I can't. You could have accepted me, but now it's too late. Sitting here, and being a bitch to me doesn't change the past. It only fucks up the future that much more."

Throughout this whole exchange Anne has been watching for a moment where it could be a little safe for her to bring over Paula's coffee. However, after hearing about the bet between the hostess and the bus boy, she decides that hot liquids might not be a good idea.

"Spencer Carlin, do not blame me for your bad choices."

Spencer laughs. Not a 'haha' laugh, but a cold humorless laugh.

"Bad choices like what, being gay? Because I chose that right? Because I just wanted to make my life hell willingly, right mom? What about your bad choices, huh? What about you?"

Paula is angry. Obviously. Spencer is angry. Obviously. If this was a cartoon, both of their faces would be turning dark red. If she was a cartoon, this would be the moment that Spencer Carlin blows steam out her ears and lets all hell break loose.

"You want to know exactly why I left? It wasn't because everyone hated that I was gay. It wasn't because of the way you found out or all the harsh comments you made to me. I left because the night I was getting ready to leave I asked you if you loved me. What did you say when I asked you that?"

Paula just sits there. She's becoming the sat silent girl now.

"Come on, what did you say?"

She opens her mouth as if trying to catch some words but she doesn't. She takes a deep breath, and tries again.

"You said that you didn't have a gay daughter, right mom? You said that if you had a gay daughter, you didn't have a daughter at all."

Everyone in the diner is now fixated on this confrontation.

"I just… can't."

Spencer stands up to leave.

"Then I guess you don't have to."

The younger blonde stands up to leave. She passes Anne, and she reaches the hostess and the bus boy just to catch the last part of the hostess'.

"See, I told you she was above violently throwing drinks! You owe me a twenty."

It only took the blonde one short hour to adventure into something she knew she would dread. It only took a few short seconds for the blonde to know that all the hopes she had for this meeting to be destroyed, and it only took 8 small steps for the blonde to walk out the diner, and out of her mother's life, again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Blah, I suck, I'll write faster and longer from now on. I sill adore all you readers 3**

She went walking again. After the scene she pulled, she was given no choice but to use those feet, and walk. She didn't need a set direction, nor did she need a map. All she needed, wanted, strived for, was walking as far as her legs would take her. She walked past trees and houses. She passed the homeless, and the homely. She passed day, and brushed shoulders with night. She walked. And she walked.

The hours that passed cannot be counted with simple numbers. The miles she stroll cannot be calculated with any machine. It was, and always will be infinite.

Her mind is still strolling. It's wondering. It even runs at times. But it's walking. It's always walking. It's always replaying the words that were filled with daggers. It's always letting her be stabbed.

The infinite steps, and gasps from breathes between tears, have lead her to a place that cannot yet be considered familiar.

She raises her arm to knock, and realizes how silly this is. How dumb it is for her to run to a place she doesn't even know. A place that holds people she's never seen. As she lowers her arm from knocking, she leans her back against the door and let's herself slide down. At this point the tears come sporadically. They aren't controllable. She doesn't even notice them there anymore.

For some reason the blonde is completely content sitting on the floor in this apartment building. People keep passing her, and she doesn't care when they throw a wondering look her way. She is content just not being at home. Her legs and feet aren't complaining either, as they were growing increasingly tired of walking.

All of the sudden however, the door that was supporting her weight is pulled backwards, causing the blonde to fall back, and a brunette girl to shriek.

"DUDE, KNOCKING OR SOMETHING WOULD BE RAD!"

Spencer just lays there. She makes no attempt to get up from the ground, and as she slowly moves to face Ashley, the impulse to cry grows.

"Woah, hey are you alright?"

The blonde who seems to be becoming smaller and smaller just lays there in her new founded embarrassment. She realizes how coming here, was a mistake. Why would you run to a stranger?

Ashley helps her up, and leads her inside. She doesn't ask any more questions. She just lays the blonde on the couch, and covers her with a blanket. She disappears to the kitchen and the blonde contemplates making a run for it, but then remembers how sore her body is.

"I got you some water, I'll uh, I can just set it here on the coffee table. Uh, I have to run out, my boss was trippin' and said something about a break in. I have to run and take inventory real quick so we can see what we've lost. But, you can stay. I promise I won't be long. I'll pop in some music and you can just uh, sleep."

With that, the brunette left. She wasn't gone though. Spencer couldn't open her eyes without seeing the other girl. Her guitar was in the corner. It had a few gashes in it, which one would figure is from careless handling. There's chipped paint, and worn strings.

Most people would just get a new guitar. Most people would rather have new than old. But, you've got to figure, that all people aren't the same. Some like the old. Some dislike the change that comes with the new.

This beat up guitar, in this lonely little apartment, is Ashley. Spencer can't draw conclusions and say where each dent and tear came from, she can't let her mind wonder on who could so carelessly handle this girl. But she knows that's how it is. She knows the comparison is less than weird.

It's now when she lets herself listen to the music that was left for her. Death Cab for Cutie. Of course. It makes the sad girl smile a broken smile. It's not the same album from before, but she still remembers the voice, she still remembers the calm that it brings.

She's not sure how long she laid there before she heard the door locks being fumbled with. The door opens and show a distraught girl, who obviously is trying to hide it, but is failing.

"Hey…"

Spencer lets herself giggle at the awkward silence that's began to spew all over the room.

"The store is a mess. Stupid gang banger thugs or whatever they call themselves. They stole the dumbest things. Guitar picks, strings, and they didn't even take all the cash in the register. They probably look less than half. It makes no sense."

It's obvious that Ashley was trying to do anything but put pressure on the blonde to talk about whatever it was that had happened to make her break so badly.

"Go big or go home?"

Ashley laughs. At least Spencer still has her humor.

"Exactly."

This time the silence isn't filled with anything awkward. It's nice actually. Ashley had ended up grabbing her guitar and was just strumming random patterns while Spencer contently just laid there listening.

"Dinner with my mom didn't exactly go well…"

The rocker just threw her a confused look.

"You want to think that people change, but they just, they don't."

"Sometimes they do Spence. They have to want to."

Spencer offered up a small nod.

"Mom's aren't supposed to have word filled with knives. They're supposed to shit cookies and throw up rainbows all over the place to make the kids happy."

Ashley laughed, and put her guitar back in its home in the corner.

"Yeah, if it was like that, we'd live in a perfect world. Honestly, I'd rather have my mom bitching at me than have her not around at all, you know?" Ashley says as she walks to the couch where Spencer is laying, and sits on the floor with her back to the couch.

"I guess. She just, she knows what to say to just, I don't even know."

Ashley nods.

"She knows what will hurt the most, and she'll say it. Doesn't mean that she actually meant anything she said though."

Spencer laughs a dry sarcastic laugh.

"Really though, think about it Spence. When you're in the moment, arguing about whatever it was you two were arguing about, she was going to say whatever she could to win. I'm sure you pulled out your best material too. That's just how conversations like that go. You just dig and scrape at old wounds, because you know it'll hurt."

Spencer sits up and hugs her knees.

"You're right I guess."

"Spence, I'm always right."

Insert duel eye rolls here.

"Whatever happened, happened. You have the right to be hurt, you're allowed to cry and be broken. But just remember Spence, you're not alone in life. It's not you against the world, even when it feels like that's exactly how it is. Sometimes, you've got to fight it out, and you've got to lose. Whatever went down with your mom, will be resolved."

Spencer laughs again.

"Yeah right. She can hold a grudge like no other. When I was seven and forgot her birthday, she didn't talk to me for six months."

Ashley just raises a perfect eyebrow at the blonde, and doesn't question this peculiar story.

"Well, it won't be resolved now, but eventually, maybe tons of years from now, it'll work out. You know, she could have done the same thing you did."

Spencer throws her a confused look.

"She could have ran off in tears realizing what she did."

Spencer shook her head.

"I'm not even exactly sure what she did."

Ashley sits there for a second, not knowing exactly what words are needed here.

"She let you go."

With this, Ashley just gets up. She walks to what Spencer figures is her room, and shuts the light off.

The blonde is left with her thoughts running then walking, then running, through her obstacle course of a mind. She's left to question many things. She's laying on this couch, walking through conversations, running through arguments.

The girl is growing smaller every day she has to run.

One thing that remains constant though, is her coffee shop friend.

She says out loud, to no one, but maybe to herself,

"I let her go."


End file.
